There’s a Katonah Yoga meditation I’ve been using and teaching for over 10 years now. If you’ve taken a class with me around New Years, you’ve probably done it– the 8 Spoke Wheel of Achievement. I use it in times of needing to push forward, when I have a dream or goal I want to pull down onto this earth. The meditation follows the spokes on a wheel, each spoke building a “next step” in getting closer to achievement. The order is simple: 1 set a goal, 2 ask for grace, 3 see the bigger picture, 4 potentiate it in front of you, 5 drive towards it, 6 stoke the fire of your efforts, 7 have patience, and 8 make it a memory (Paid subscribers, keep scrolling for a recording of the meditation you can use whenever!).
I remember early on when learning this, practicing it and then starting to teach it– the spoke that eluded me the most was always number 7, patience. It made sense back then as someone in their mid-twenties, ready to be somewhere, be somebody, do something!! I didn’t want to be patient. I just wanted to reach my goals. It's funny how life gives you light hints at the lessons you need to pay attention to (at least initially). Nudges on where you might be lacking awareness. Of course, as a 24 year old, I wasn’t about to make that connection… but thank goodness for teachers.
I was practicing with Nevine Michaan and Abbie Galvin at the Katonah Yoga studio in Chelsea. It was a practice that felt revolutionary in a room that was full of teachers from a range of New York studios and bigwigs who taught the global festival circuit, alongside a mixed bag of students– some who had only ever done Katonah Yoga, some who were ex-Bikram or worn out from Vinyasa, many who had heard about Nevine and wanted to see what the Katonah material was about. It was a beautiful time to be introduced to Nevine’s ideas and practices– and to find a community that was so engaged and fun. I remember how intimidating it was to walk in and basically learn a new yoga language compared to the Vinyasa and Ashtanga I’d been practicing, but after a few classes, I felt wholly embraced and was building my schedule around their classes. Katonah material references often our personal awareness and viewpoint, considering our blindspots as areas for learning, and recognizing our patterns and habits— what’s serving us and what isn’t.
I can’t remember if it was Nevine or Abbie and I’m not even sure if it was around the 8 Spoke Wheel or the Magic Square, but they said something to the effect of: whichever spoke (or room) you can’t remember is where you should spend your time. So simple. So obvious. And ultimately eye-opening for me; to register that what I was quick to bypass and forget might be my golden ticket.
I can’t say patience is something I’ve mastered over the years, I’ve done better with it at moments and still pretended like it was an unnecessary tool at others. But through and through it continues to teach me. And in the scheme of achieving anything to a fuller form of fruition, it has proven time and time again as a vital part of my process.
And here I find myself in my 35th week of pregnancy, I’m getting flooded with the reminder of patience all over. It’s like I’m turning the corner in a race and facing down the homestretch, but its length is deceiving . Time, which continues to be fun and funky, is warping my sense of being able to ground in activity. How long can I plan to do things? Should I block my calendar from early February onward? If I don’t have anything planned, am I just going to sit at home reading novels while I hear my husband in the room next door working through all hours to provide for us? (The conversation around my value or worth relating to work is a bigger, separate conversation, not today! But I won’t play as if I don’t face those thoughts regularly!!) There’s no right or wrong solution, of course. Planning for group classes might be logistically too much when playing the unknown of when birth will actually happen…. But looking at this home stretch of a few weeks sort of feels like being a junior in high school and counting down the minutes until summer break. The funny thing is the actual countdown I have is somewhat obsolete in that the baby will decide when the time is right, whether that’s before or after his estimated due date of March 1.
So again, the universe is teaching me yet another facet of patience, alongside the reckoning of letting go and letting a greater force take the lead.
Pregnancy has been teaching me a lot about my relationship to control. Putting my mind in the backseat and letting my body be the guide. The size of my belly (I have a big belly and will probably deliver a big baby!), the pressure I put on myself around productivity (my body is literally putting me to sleep midday when I try and overdue it), the fear of what labor and postpartum will look like for me (again, trust in the unknown and that this body will know what to do). Another mom I met the other day said her friend reminds her regularly that Snooki has 3 kids, and if she figured it out, we can too. I haven’t kept up with the Jersey Shore star and I’m sure the character that we were presented on TV is only one facet of the real person, but it's always a useful reminder that many have done this before me and many will do it after. The same goes with any achievement in life– when you’re working through the muck, just knowing that no matter what is in creation mode, people have been going through these trials for lifetimes. But the ones who get to see it through to the end, to achieve their goals, to make them into memories… I can almost guarantee patience is a keystone player in the process.
Hold steady y’all, we’re doing great! Paid subscribers, keep scrolling for the meditation :)
Xx CK
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